When working with my teenage clients, a common theme I often hear is, "I just want to be happy," or "My goal for this summer is to be happy." While I completely understand why this might seem like a logical goal, I gently challenge this perspective, explaining that the pursuit of happiness, while important, is not realistic as an all-encompassing life goal. Happiness, like all emotions, is fleeting. No one can or should expect to be happy all the time. It’s part of the human experience to feel a wide range of emotions—joy, sadness, frustration, anxiety—and it’s crucial to learn to navigate all of them.
When teens express a desire for constant happiness, I approach the conversation with compassion. I might say, "I understand why you’d want happiness as your goal, but happiness isn’t something we can achieve and hold onto forever. It's one of many emotions, and no one can feel happy all the time." This opens up a discussion about the importance of learning to tolerate and understand the full spectrum of human emotions. Therapy, after all, isn’t about chasing happiness—it’s about creating space for all emotions and learning how to respond to them in healthy, productive ways.
This approach is supported by research in psychology. Emotions, even the unpleasant ones, serve as important signals. They tell us when something needs to change, when we need to act, or when we need to rest and reflect. By recognizing and validating all emotions—positive, negative, and neutral—we can begin to understand what our minds and bodies are trying to tell us. Emotional intelligence, the ability to recognize and respond to emotions in ourselves and others, is an essential skill I aim to help my teenage clients develop.
One way I help teens build emotional intelligence is by modeling this recognition process. I frequently point out emotions in our sessions, helping them label what they’re feeling in real time. For example, when a client seems frustrated, I’ll reflect that back: "It sounds like you’re feeling frustrated because of how things played out at school. Is that right?" Teens respond well to this kind of validation. By naming their emotions and linking them to specific situations, they start to see how their feelings connect to their experiences, making the abstract more tangible.
Personal anecdotes are also powerful tools when working with teens. Sharing relatable stories—whether they’re my own or from others—can help contextualize the abstract concepts we discuss in therapy. For many teens, real-life examples make the conversation about emotions feel more concrete and applicable. When they see that others, including adults, struggle with similar emotions, they feel less isolated and more understood.
What’s truly rewarding about working with teens is watching them grow and develop over time. Some of the teens I’ve worked with for several years have transformed from insecure, unsure kids into confident, emerging adults with a deeper understanding of their strengths, values, and goals. It’s a privilege to be a part of that journey—to witness their struggles and triumphs, to offer guidance when needed, but ultimately to let them carry their own weight.
In many ways, I relate to characters from the Marvel Universe, like The Watcher or the Eternals—beings who observe but don’t interfere. In therapy, I may guide and strategize with my clients during sessions, but their choices outside of our time together are theirs alone. Therapy is a collaborative process, but it’s the clients who ultimately do the hard work. I’m there to support, not to solve their problems for them.
As I reflect on the first four years of opening my practice, I feel incredibly blessed and grateful. Being able to witness these unfolding lives, guiding teens through some of the most pivotal years of their development, has been an unexpected joy. Their resilience, growth, and strength inspire me daily, and I look forward to seeing where their journeys take them.
In therapy, we’re not chasing happiness. We’re learning to embrace the full range of what it means to be human, building emotional resilience, and creating space for whatever feelings come our way. It’s a journey, not a destination, and I’m honored to walk that path with my clients.
Comments